RAC'S RANT

By Dick Richards

There are some things in this world in which we live that just make me stop and think. I think, man, that person is a real asshole. Case and point, while strolling through the worldwide web the other day I came across a certain EBay seller. Now I realize there are thousands if not millions of people buying and selling things on EBay nowadays, but for whatever reason this persons user ID struck my eye. The user name was selloutsolutions. Curious as to what this person may be selling, I took a closer look. I proceeded by clicking on a link to view a previously ended auction and found a brand new X Box 360, which this individual had just sold for $900.00. Intriguing. It seems that this compassionate ebayer has sought to sell items to the public in order to provide a solution to their “sell out” problems, if you will. But alas, I investigated deeper into this individuals prior sales. What I found was unthinkable. Could it be that this person was not as compassionate as was once believed? Could they be contributing more to the problem than to the solution? Should the user ID be changed to solutionstoproblemsihavecausedduetodepletingthemarketinordertoprofit, instead of selloutsolutions? Unfortunately they could not be reached for comment and have not yet weighed in on my name change suggestion. So the question remains, is it a good business practice to buy up all of the remaining retail merchandise and then sell it at twice the price, while at the same time claiming to be providing a noble service for those who found that product to be sold out? I say hell no. It is on that note that I would like to proudly present selloutsolutions with the first ever “Asshole of the month” award, brought to you by Preparation H. Besides the prestige that this award brings, each winner also receives the Purple Asshole as a symbol of what that individual means to me. If you would like to nominate your own individual for “asshole of the month,” send your nominations to racsrant@hotmail.com.

On a serious note, I’ve recently had the privilege, through the magic of commercials, of discovering how exciting and fun filled a life with herpes can truly be. Now, I did not know this, but apparently if you get herpes not only will you be able to climb mountains, navigate yourself in a canoe, and partake in other amazing adventures, but you will flat out have more fun doing them! I was also reminded that, while there is no cure, there is medication that you can take which allows you to live with herpes. And thank god for that, because lord knows once I experienced all of those fun things I would never want my herpes to go away. Unfortunately my fiancé is clean, and sadly this means that I will be forced to spend the rest of my life herpes free. But for those of you who are still single, it’s never too late. Thanks Valtrex for opening my eyes to opportunities I never knew existed. We’ll see you next time when we examine all of the fun things that gonorrhea can mean for you. Until then, stay classy San Diego.